Sry I called you an 8
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
