shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
