I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
