just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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