i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
