so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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