Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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