Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
well I can't set my house on fire every night
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
