this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
