It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
