The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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