I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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