You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
