Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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