Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize