just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
barbara walters just said penis...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
