Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
