Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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