i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
