Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
