She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
