I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
