we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
