Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
