just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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