We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
