i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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