I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
