I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
