My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize