You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
