exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize