what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
