gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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