i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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