I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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