I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
