I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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