he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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