i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
