We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
