why didn't you poke me back
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
