you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
