I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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