i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dude. I can hear the air.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
