I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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