God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
