Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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