i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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