K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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