Yo dont text me then not text me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
