bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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