Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
