yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
