M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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