im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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