well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
