just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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