I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
