i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
