If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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