Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize