shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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