and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
