I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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