my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
