I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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