im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
